Solo, Not Lonely: The Alone Time Nobody Warned You About Study Abroad

Being Alone vs. Isolation | mindhamok Podcast

Hosts: Maya & Charlotte | Recorded in Rome | AIFS Abroad Interns

Intro

Welcome to the mindhamok podcast, a place focused on supporting your overall well-being, from social life to physical health and mental balance. Made for young adults finding their way in a new country, each episode dives into real experiences and useful advice to help you grow, adapt, and truly enjoy your time abroad.

The Unexpected Reality of Alone Time

One of the biggest surprises of studying abroad is how much time you spend alone, not in a bad way, just in a real way. Leaving behind your routine, your friends, and the familiarity of home means everyday tasks suddenly become solo missions in an unfamiliar place. For international students adjusting overseas, that's when you start to notice the difference between choosing to be alone and feeling isolated.

Building Confidence in Small Moments

Confidence abroad doesn't always come from weekend travel. For international students, it often comes from navigating the bus solo, eating at a restaurant by yourself, or simply getting somewhere without Google Maps. Student mental health is deeply connected to these small wins, and they add up in ways that matter more than you'd think.

The Pressure to Always Be "On"

There's a constant pressure when you go abroad to always be doing something, always exploring, always saying yes. But adjusting overseas is mentally exhausting in ways you don't notice at first. A prevention first approach to student mental health means recognising that learning to say no or take solo time isn't missing out. It's what allows you to rest so you can actually enjoy the experience.

Not All Alone Time Feels the Same

There's a real difference between intentional alone time and withdrawing because everything feels overwhelming. For international students, culture shock can blur that line. Recognising which one you're in is a key part of looking after your mental health and wellbeing abroad.

Alone vs. Isolated, Knowing the Difference

Taking a couple of hours to reset, going for a solo walk, or napping when your apartment is quiet won't ruin your study abroad experience. But when alone time shifts into avoiding people and withdrawing, that's worth paying attention to. Culture shock, homesickness, and the pressures of international education can all quietly tip the balance. The goal isn't to avoid being alone. It's to spend time with yourself in a way that feels intentional rather than isolating.

If you or someone you know is struggling, mindhamok is always here for you. Visit our website to connect with one of our counsellors or explore our programmes, including our 24/7 helpline, therapy support, and student wellbeing resources designed specifically for international students studying abroad. Find us on Instagram as we'd love to hear from you.

mindhamok, there for your social, physical and mental health as you explore your life. Find out more at www.mindhamok.com

Transcript

Solo, Not Lonely: The Alone Time Nobody Warned You About When Studying Abroad
mindhamok Podcast | Hosts: Maya & Charlotte | Recorded in Rome

Intro
Welcome to the mindhamok podcast, a place focused on supporting your overall well-being from social life to physical health and mental balance. This podcast is made for young adults finding their way in a new country. From handling studies and work, to building friendships and adjusting to a different environment, we're here to guide you through it all. Each episode dives into real experiences and useful advice to help you grow, adapt, and truly enjoy your time abroad. Make sure to check out our mindhamok social media and let's dive in.

Maya & Charlotte
Hey guys, welcome back to the pod. It's Maya and Charlotte here talking about intentional alone time or isolation when studying abroad.

Charlotte
Something I did not expect when studying abroad was how much time I'd be spending alone. Not in a bad way, just in a real way. My classes are different than my friends' and I had to go out of my way to make time to see them during the day. Coming to study abroad, I left my routine, my friends and even little things like knowing how to get somewhere. Suddenly everyday things became something I had to start doing by myself, especially in a place that felt completely unfamiliar. I started realising that there is a big difference between choosing to be alone and actually feeling isolated. This episode is about figuring out that difference.

Maya
When we first got here, everything felt really intimidating. Taking the metro or the bus by myself, having to navigate the whole thing, it felt like I had to mentally prepare for anything and everything. At home it's so easy, but every single time I had to walk to class or take the bus or eat a meal, it felt like I was actually accomplishing something. I started running alone here and began to see different neighbourhoods. These aren't huge study abroad moments, but they're the ones that made me feel more capable and comfortable in this new city. I realised confidence here didn't come from travelling every weekend, but from the mornings when I got myself somewhere or handled something on my own.

Charlotte
Personally, I am someone who thinks that everything is a two-person job, so coming to study abroad by myself was a big step I wasn't initially expecting. After being here for about two weeks, I realised that the time I had by myself was something I shouldn't take for granted. Being somewhere with people you'd just met was very different compared to being surrounded by people you got to choose. Since coming abroad, I started doing small things, just like Maya. Even though I might not know how to use the metro, I started to walk places, to be alone and to experience things I wanted to do, so I could look back on these memories and understand that studying abroad was a growth experience for me.

Maya
As much as I do have time by myself walking to class or navigating the bus system, because I live in a triple apartment it is very hard to find alone time. Some of my roommates are always around and it's always very go go go. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a minute to sit down and take a break. And if I do, it feels like I'm missing out on something. I have to exclude myself just to take the time I need to refresh from the day.

Charlotte
There's always pressure when you go abroad that you shouldn't be by yourself or not doing anything. You have to always be exploring, saying yes, making the most of every second because your time is limited. If you stay in or take time to yourself, it can feel like you're doing the entire abroad experience wrong. But being in a new environment is mentally exhausting in ways you don't notice at first. You're consistently adjusting, figuring out language differences, directions, social norms, your schedule, and your brain never really shuts off. I had to learn that sometimes staying in or doing solo things was not missing out. It was what allowed me to rest so I could actually enjoy the time with my friends and build relationships that would last throughout my trip.

Maya
Not all alone time feels the same. There are times where I want to do something by myself, like going for a run or the gym, or mindfully sitting at a restaurant alone, where I feel calm and still connected to people, not lonely, just grounded. But other times I can feel really overwhelmed and find myself just withdrawing.

Charlotte
I completely agree. A lot of the time I take alone time just to decompress and feel less overwhelmed by everything happening around me. But other times I'll go out of my way to go on a walk. Being in Rome, we're so lucky to have so much to see, so my alone time recently has been going to the Colosseum or the Trevi Fountain to journal, sit down, people watch, and realise that I'm just a small piece of the larger puzzle. Being by myself or taking time to decompress is not going to ruin my entire experience. It's only going to make it stronger.

Maya
At first I was really scared to eat alone at a restaurant. Especially coming from America, it feels different to eat alone and it feels like everyone is looking at you. But I noticed in Europe it feels more normal. Eventually I realised nobody really cares, and it's completely normal. It was a big shift because for a while I was always depending on somebody else to do things. If my roommate couldn't go to the gym, we both just wouldn't go. But instead of waiting on somebody else, if I wanted to do something or go somewhere, I started to just do it and rely on myself.

Charlotte
After being abroad for some time, a switch definitely flipped in my mind. I used to be the person who would take a roommate to pick up food delivery from one floor down just in case I ran into anyone. But being here, I found that nobody's really looking at you or thinking too much about what you're doing. That shift has really changed my perspective and enhanced my experience. Living in a huge city like Rome makes things even more noticeable because there are so many people around you and it can feel like all eyes are on you at all times. But slowly I started to create my own routine and understand the city a little more. You know which bus to take, what stop to get off, you stop needing Google Maps as much. You start to recognise streets and have places you go regularly that you become excited about, even if it's by yourself.

Maya
It was so overwhelming at first when you didn't have a routine and everything was brand new. It took me so long to find something as simple as hangers, or trying to find an equivalent of a Target or a Chipotle, just trying to take my life at home and find some familiarity here.

Charlotte
Building off of what Maya said, I definitely felt like I was trying to recreate my life at home here, which wasn't really the point of going abroad. It was to experience new things, meet new people and have experiences I'd remember for the rest of my life. Now that I've been here for a little while, I can attest to the fact that things are very different here and you're not going to find exactly what you have at home. But there are ways to find similar things, and that goes back to being alone and having that time to decompress. At home you always have moments to take a minute to yourself, but because you know your surroundings it doesn't take as long and isn't as mentally draining. Being here, even finding hangers or a pillowcase is a lot more rewarding than it would be in any other circumstance.

Maya
Another topic that's been coming up a lot is solo trips, whether it's people in our program doing them or just having weekends where everyone is doing their own thing. Instead of sitting in Rome, I decided I needed to do a solo trip. Especially after the program ends, I'll have some time on my hands where I'll be by myself, and instead of sitting in a hostel room, I want to explore a city and make the most of my time even without someone to come with me. I think it's really important to be self-amusing and to rely on yourself, to the point where you're travelling in a new city with only your own company.

Charlotte
Before coming abroad, I had this idea that I'd be with people twenty-four seven and have someone to do everything with, just like my friends at home. But coming abroad definitely changed that. Going on a solo trip has always been super intimidating, but since being here I've had to reframe the way I view being alone. Instead of having FOMO about what other people are doing, I've realised I have to have confidence in myself. Now that I understand the city a little more, I have the confidence to go out and explore other places by myself and trust that I'll have a good time. Saying no and being there for yourself is very key in the study abroad process, otherwise it becomes so much more overwhelming and tiring. In the beginning I went out of my way to make friends and talk to everybody, which helped me in the long run. But as time has gone on, it's hard to tell when being alone is peaceful and helping me versus when it's causing me anxiety and is more isolating. Initially, while I was struggling to regulate my emotions through this big change, I was isolating myself more than anything else. That isolation, which I was telling myself was helping me, really just made me feel more distant and spiral. Compared to intentionally being alone once I'd settled in, which has been really good for my mental health.

Maya
Although me and Charlotte have been in Rome for about seven weeks and seem like we have everything figured out, it's definitely not the truth. I still miss having my own room, getting to choose my alone time, and just having more time to myself that feels intentional.

Charlotte
And I definitely don't have it all figured out either. But we do know that being alone and isolating yourself are two very different things. You need some of that time to reset, clear your mind and feel more comfortable in the environment you're in. But when it gets to a point where you're avoiding everybody and going out of your way to not be around certain people, that's something you need to look at. Taking two or three hours by yourself or having a nap when no one else is in the apartment is not going to change your entire abroad experience or have people look at you differently. Doing your own thing and becoming comfortable here is going to look very different from home. At school I have a car, I can drive around, keep busy, and people aren't thinking twice about it. But especially in a foreign country you don't want to feel like you're wasting time. As time has gone on though, I've understood that taking that nap, walking somewhere alone, or saying no is something that will only help you in the long run and help you feel more established wherever you are.

Maya
One thing we haven't touched on yet is not having a car while abroad and relying on buses. My car at home meant I always had an escape, somewhere I could go to be alone and calm down if needed. In my apartment sometimes it really feels like there is nowhere to go to just be alone and know that I don't have to interact with anyone. And walking through a big city like Rome, it can feel like everyone is looking at you every single day whether you feel your best or your worst.

Charlotte
Coming into the study abroad process, I had a lot more confidence in myself before I got here. But once I realised I was in a very different situation than what I'd imagined, it took a lot out of me to go out of my way to make friends, which is why having some of that alone time often changed things for me. Maya and I both came into this without knowing anybody. I knew going in that whether I connected with people on my trip or not, I was ultimately going to have to rely on myself. Because if worse came to worst, the person I knew was going to be there for me was myself.

Maya
At the end of the day, studying abroad means you have yourself to rely on to navigate all of these new things. So the best thing you can do is learn how to find the joy in being alone, discover parts of yourself you didn't know you had, and just develop more as a person being here.

Charlotte
Like we said, Maya and I both still don't have it figured out. But since being here and having some time to adjust, we've realised that the goal is not to avoid being alone, but to learn how to spend time with yourself in a way that feels intentional instead of isolating. Thanks for tuning in to the mindhamok podcast. We hope we were able to give some insight into our journey abroad and some inspiration for yours. If you enjoyed today's episode, make sure to subscribe and share it with friends so we can reach more students just like you. Check out the mindhamok website to connect with one of our amazing mental health counsellors or explore the many programmes we have to offer. We'd also love to hear from you on Instagram. If you or someone you know is struggling, mindhamok is always here for you. Take a moment to appreciate the journey. Until next time.